literature

Darling.

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MagicallyCapricious's avatar
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Literature Text

Darling I know the feeling
When everything seems to be piling up and you want to cry but you can't
when you feel like everything is going to come down on your head and at the same time you feel that you're going to burst
in pain and so utterly alone.
When it isn't enough to do what you can
while balancing the scales with what you want
when you feel that nothing can help you. When you're hurting and angry.
So very angry.
When your hands want to crush and cut and tear
when your pain wants out
and yet the tears won't come
your eyes sting and your head hurts
your fingers curl and muscle coils
When you know that the pain won't end just yet, when the end is miles, years away
the light grows dimmer and you feel like you're falling.
I know the feeling.
Darling.
The wish that I could go and take it all away
with a swing of a blade or the flick of a wrist
and hold you close to me, and maybe
just for a little while
make you forget what's happening
the pain, the loneliness, the rage
and for a moment give you what I have
the love and protection
the peace you give to me
but there is none so merciful
as to grant me that wish.
But -perhaps the wish that we would switch places
And my family would have the smart, fun, quirky child they had always wanted
and yours would have the reject, the one who would take their words
and tear them apart.
and maybe then they would realize what they had
such a bright, wonderful, talented young man.
who smiled, laughed, created
and instead would gain what they hated:
a loathing, driveling dog, mad with delusion and confusion.
a mind clouded by illusion and stupidity.
Hands bent on destruction.
But you, the beauty, had touched so far
into that hate and the mask of the beast
and captured this heart, this beating, loathsome heart
pulled it to the light, to yours
and held it from the raving madness to the light of sanity
to the light of love and possibility.
held me to your beating heart and gave me the reason to stop
and see
and cry, and fear
not the shapeless, fearless, faceless mask of horror and intimidation and rage
but a creature capable of thought
and love
and care.
Your patience, your tolerance, molded this beast into a mind
a mind that loves you
cares for you
wishes you the best
and would overturn mountains if it meant your safety,
Tear through walls and horrors if it meant your happiness
take bullets and blows if it meant your peace.
Darling I know, I know what it's like.
The origins of madness, different, but the feeling identical
I love you, dear. And I will within my power
protect you and make sure you come out okay
Just as you helped me be so.
EDIT II: Why is this in scraps.

EDIT: Threw together a preview image because I needed to get all of it out.

Yeah it's been an eventful day.

Those of you who have been watching me since the start or early on know that I posted a lot of self-hate and madness.

But I can honestly say that despite the monsters and everything that's happened to me, I haven't cried that often.

And by not often I mean less than once a month. Maybe once every three or four months at the very most. On average.

I'm going soft and I don't know if I like it or if it's even beneficial to anything.

But like hell I'll let something attack his sanity without putting up some sort of effort to deflect it.
© 2012 - 2024 MagicallyCapricious
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RoseWolfeh's avatar
; w ;

I swear you're one of the most talented people I know